Rise of Nightmares

Mad scientists often have the dangerous habit of combining things that don't naturally belong together, in an attempt to create new forms of life. So it is with Viktor, the disturbed doctor who fuses corpses and machines to create creatures that cause you no small amount of trouble in Rise of Nightmares. Rise of Nightmares itself is an uneasy combination of elements, awkwardly fusing grisly zombie-slashing gameplay with the Kinect's motion controls. The result is not unlike one of Viktor's shambling creations; it works, more or less, but it feels unnatural.


You’d have to be incredibly clumsy to walk into that wall of spikes. Luckily for the mad doctor, Josh is.
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You play as Josh, a young husband traveling with his wife, Kate, through Eastern Europe. Josh's drinking problem has long been a wedge between the couple, and Kate's frustration with Josh's behavior is boiling over. But the two soon have much bigger problems to deal with, when the train they're traveling on is derailed and Kate is abducted by the local mad scientist. As Josh, you must fight your way through legions of Viktor's combinations of flesh and metal in an attempt to save Kate and escape with your own life. The story is standard stuff, but Viktor's remorseless eagerness to butcher anyone who crosses his path makes him a villain you want to put a stop to. Rise of Nightmares is rarely scary, but the visuals create a convincingly creepy atmosphere; the dungeons you must travel through look so dank you can almost feel the foul moisture in the air, and the torture devices, human remains and bloodstains that decorate the halls create an unsettling sense of the horrors that have occurred there.

You use your body to navigate the corridors and courtyards of Viktor's estate. Turning your torso left and right makes Josh do the same, and walking is a simple matter of putting one foot forward. You feel more like you're steering a cumbersome vehicle than moving naturally through these places, but the controls are adequate in most environments, where precise movements aren't required. However, a few rooms and hallways of Viktor's mansion are outfitted with deadly spikes that shoot out of the floors, blades that periodically drop down from the ceiling, and other deadly traps. In moments like this, Rise of Nightmares' full body control is too limiting and too clumsy, making avoiding these hazards much harder than it should be. By putting your foot farther forward, you can make Josh move forward faster, but even in situations when running would be wise, you can't make him move faster than a brisk walk. And although you might want to look up to make sure you're not standing right underneath that guillotine-like blade above you, Josh's gaze is always fixed forward. If you don't feel like steering Josh around yourself, you can usually make him automatically head toward his current destination by holding your right hand up, but when environmental dangers are present, it's up to you to avoid them.


It's a well-known fact that the undead hate giant tongs.
It's also up to you to kill the countless creatures that stand between you and Kate, and here the controls fare better. By holding your arms up like a boxer, you automatically focus on the nearest enemy and guard against incoming attacks. You can use your bare fists to clobber these atrocities, but your creature-killing efforts are much more effective if you use the weapons scattered throughout the estate. These include mundane items like brass knuckles, hammers, and hatchets, as well as outlandish devices like shock knuckles, bone shears, and the mechanized arms of your fallen foes. Weapons degrade as you use them and eventually break, but there's always a new weapon nearby to pick up when one goes out on you.

To attack, you make a gesture that suits your current weapon, and although your attempts to target the weaker, fleshy parts of the creatures don't always work as well as they should, it doesn't matter much; a few solid strikes is enough to dispose of most enemies. A few enemy types force you to consider your surroundings and attack carefully, like the shriekers, whose sonic attacks require you to cover your ears, leaving you vulnerable to assaults from other enemies. But for the most part, combat is easy; you just guard when enemies attack and then you strike them down. It's fun to play with all the different weapons, and late in the game, you acquire a particularly satisfying combat ability, but there's just not enough depth or variety to the combat to keep it interesting throughout this adventure.

On occasion, you need to do battle with some of Viktor's more powerful and deadly creations. Fighting these bosses is a lot like fighting normal creatures, except that you must avoid their attacks by responding quickly to onscreen prompts. You might be prompted to sidestep an enemy's thrust or duck under an enemy's whirling slash. The more physical nature of these battles makes them stand out from the ho-hum combat of the rest of the game, but they don't offer much challenge, and they illuminate just how limited the controls are; you might wish you could backstep or crouch under the occasional attack from a standard creature, but apparently Josh is capable of making these moves only when a big prompt tells him to. Making the controls feel more unnatural still is that you can't just walk up to a door, a switch, or anything else and interact with it naturally; you must first hover your hand for a moment over a prompt that reads "Interact" before making your door-opening or switch-flicking gesture.


Rise of Nightmares is a great insect-swatting simulator.
Once in a while, Rise of Nightmares uses its Kinect controls to create tense moments. For instance, the hulking beast known as Ernst is sensitive to noise and movement, so when he passes by, you must stand very still to avoid alerting him. But aside from these occasional nail-biting situations, this is an ordinary journey whose motion controls too often just get in the way, rather than making the experience feel more real. Rise of Nightmares is far from an abomination, but its attempts to imitate life aren't going to fool anyone.

Crimson Alliance

At the start of Crimson Alliance, you're presented with a choice of three archetypal characters: the elderly wizard, the burly mercenary, or the nimble assassin. At first blush, these characters all feel distinct: the wizard conjures rolling waves of ice, the mercenary cleaves enemies in two with his sword, and the assassin can throw daggers. However, once you spend an hour with each, you find they all follow the same combat style of two normal attacks and one nonlethal technique that stuns foes. They also have special techniques that unlock after you collect a specific number of hidden items all designed to wipe the screen of enemies. Which character you play as is really just a choice between range and melee--or you could just pick the assassin who does a bit of both.

A lack of greater complexity is a recurring issue in Crimson Alliance. From level design to character customization, the game leaves you wanting in every category. The mission layout is a linear gauntlet of stages that repeatedly pit your heroes against the same basic enemy types: Those that run at you and those that shoot at you. Only in the final act does the game start mixing things up with traps and creative objectives, but by then it's too little, too late. In between these encounters, there are secret areas to discover that are filled with gold and treasure. You can also replay levels on a higher difficulty to compete for the high score on each stage's leaderboard.

For your troubles, you're awarded copious amounts of gold, the adventurer's delight. In lieu of experience points and levels, you spend gold on weapons and armor to advance your character. Item vendors open up after you complete specific missions with new wares for you to buy. And because all of the items are split up between vendors, it can make comparison shopping a pain. Items improve your character's four stats: three for your attacks and one for your health. Improving health lets you take more damage, while improving your attacks changes their properties slightly--such as creating a bigger ice wave.

The game's strongest feature is its four-player, online or local cooperative play. Mindless slaughter is always more enjoyable with a buddy or three, and there are even a few puzzles scattered throughout the game that require teamwork to surmount. It's a pity that the soundtrack is so forgettable. Crimson Alliance's light jazz accompaniment might be great for sneaking into a mansion or stealing a ruby necklace, but here, the music only further deflates the already-lackluster combat.


If you're in a jam, just grab an exploding red barrel and watch your troubles go up in flames.
Crimson Alliance simply does the bare minimum across the board. Its tale of an evil sorceress returning from the dead is accented with a bit of humor that should have been taken further. If the game followed through with its halfhearted attempts at comedy (a crate that serves as a familiar, for example), it might have produced a bit of sparkle. But Crimson Alliance doesn't go far enough in this respect, or in any other. It's a hollow game that offers little more than mindless monster slaying.

Driver: Renegade

You play as series mainstay John Tanner, an ex-cop who's hired by one of New York's big political figures to rid the city's streets of crime. Doing so requires you to mercilessly drive your car around like a lunatic and bash into any enemy vehicles that try to stop you--and that's pretty much the extent of what Driver: Renegade 3DS has to offer. For the most part, the driving is solid but completely unremarkable. Individual cars (which are unlocked after completing missions) handle according to their relative stats, and also make use of a "rage bar." The bar recharges during drifts and stunts, giving you access to a temporary speed boost and the ability to destroy assailants using shunts.

Not only do the game's run-of-the-mill racing objectives fail to capitalize on the solid driving mechanics, but it also makes it easy to cheat the system and truncate the running time of an otherwise prolonged mission to much shorter periods. For instance, instead of becoming embroiled in a captivating car chase through the city streets, merely trapping an opposing car against a nearby wall and then ramming into it a few times is more than enough to meet the requirements of your objective. Boxing in an opponent may sound like a valid tactic to some, but in reality, it's just not fun; and you may even find yourself causing such incidents to happen without even trying. Even worse, similar frustrations can also befall you. Spinning out and knocking against other cars or parts of the environment rapidly drains the stability of your car, meaning that deaths are often unfair and unpredictable.

The Story mode is light on interesting exposition, and the incredibly hammy dialogue and voice acting are executed with absolutely no subtlety whatsoever. Brief motion comics highlight the paper-thin narrative, and its justifications for throwing you into missions are poorly conceived. Tanner himself, who has been relatively stoic in the past, is inexplicably transformed into an archetypal tough guy who shamefully spouts a small selection of bad one-liners and puns ad nauseam. The game desperately tries to appear edgy with gratuitous swearing; and there are embarrassing attempts at titillation via the introduction of a sultry female character, but all of its efforts are awkwardly juvenile. It also takes no more than three hours to get through the story's 20 missions, although the game actually runs out of tricks by about half that length. There's a separate Career mode as well, which allows you to compete in specific events pulled from the main game, including time trials and eliminator races. However, it's essentially the same content without the shoddy narrative in between, so you won't feel much desire to carry on playing past the fleeting Story mode. While you can use StreetPass to exchange scores and records, multiplayer of any kind is a no-show--not even local play is included.


While they're nice to look at, the motion comics illustrate a poorly conceived story.
The polygonal city you ride and smash around in is a hollow and vaguely open-world map with a noticeable lack of life on the surrounding streets. Every inch of the city feels empty on a drastic scale: Traffic is extremely light and the absence of everyday citizens galloping from the path of your speeding car seems strangely at odds with the conventions of the series. It also doesn't help that everything looks so washed out and jagged. Plus, the shoddy use of stereoscopic 3D adds nothing to the visuals--it's much more comfortable to play with the slider turned all the way down. On the plus side, the soundtrack is tolerable and the menus are generally well produced; in fact, they are arguably the most impressive aspect of the entire game.

From its overwhelming repetition to its tepid attempts to be cool and irreverent, Driver: Renegade 3D is a game that fails to create an action-driving hybrid that is even remotely engaging. Its solid driving mechanics have been squandered on a game that is far too boring, and the end result is a product that feels consistently rough and flawed in every way.

Radiant Silvergun

For the uninitiated, Radiant Silvergun is absolutely daunting the first time you start things up. The right side of the screen displays all of the weapons you currently have access to, as well as the buttons that they're mapped to. Your eyes stare at the screen, trying to comprehend how you're going to manage seven separate guns at once. Do you unlock them as you go? Maybe grab power-ups from destroyed enemies? Nope! The weapons you begin Radiant Silvergun with are the ones you keep for the entire game. There are three base weapons that continually upgrade as you use them. Homing missiles, explosive diagonal blasts, and a deadly frontal ray offer good diversity in your killing powers. The four secondary weapons have more specific uses. Lock-on missiles, a sweeping laser, and rear assault fit right in with what you'd expect, but the final weapon is quite different from the norm. A short-range sword can be used to defeat enemies, as well as gobble up certain attacks, and figuring out how to use this bad boy is the key to mastering the game.

There are many shoot-'em-ups where enemies flood the screen with so many bullets that the games have become known as "bullet hell." Radiant Silvergun is not one of those games. Challenge comes from managing your guns so you can efficiently dispose of the vast assortment of enemies you encounter. The radar strike, for instance, is the only weapon that can pass through barriers, so using it to clear out foes in front of you is a great way to win a battle before your life is even threatened. At other times, your best bet is to fly toward the top of the screen and use your rear cannon, so you're safely out of harm's way while your enemies fire their worthless guns toward the bottom. But you have to play levels many times before you understand these methods. Furthermore, your guns are so weak in the early going that it takes an awfully long time to take down simple enemies. Because of these two elements, you have to spend hours upgrading your weapons and learning patterns before you're adept enough to triumph.


Those happy pink balls spell your doom.
There's no use sugar coating the experience of playing Radiant Silvergun during its first few hours. Unless you're an expert in this genre, you will die repeatedly, and you will be forced to replay the first level over and over again. It's exhausting. If you aren't prepared for this onslaught, it's easy to lose faith and move on to a less demanding game. And because Radiant Silvergun is so challenging, there's no reason to feel bad for admitting you're just not good enough. But if you have the dedication to see things through, Radiant Silvergun is richly rewarding. Every minute you spend playing makes you that much stronger, and it's empowering to cleave through enemies that stoically stood in your path when you were weaker. Every hour you spend fighting waves of enemies adds another life onto your total, so even those who aren't proficient in shoot-'em-ups should be able to amass a large enough collection to succeed.

Radiant Silvergun is never cheap. When you die, it's because you messed up. You misjudged an enemy's attack pattern or flew too close to a barrier. This knowledge gives you the strength to push on because if you stay attentive, you won't make careless mistakes that cost you dearly. Precise controls ensure you're completely in command of your craft. Whether you're weaving in and out of bullets, circling bosses to find their weak points, or wielding your sword like a dragon slayer, everything feels just as it should. Age has been extremely kind to Radiant Silvergun because the core mechanics are so well implemented. The visuals have been updated slightly from the Saturn original, and though it's clear this is a game that was first released more than a decade ago, it still looks sharp. It's easy to discern the background from the foreground, as well as identify enemies, and that instant communication is the most vital aspect of a shoot-em-up's visual design.


This boss demands an artistic style all its own.
The persistent Story mode is the most interesting way to play Radiant Silvergun, but if steep difficulty is too much to handle, you can dive into Arcade mode for a breather. Here, you can tweak how many lives you have, and that cushion gives you a chance to experiment without the fear that constantly hounds you in Story mode. If you're still stuck, Practice mode gives you a chance to test out the best strategy in a specific portion before you make a legitimate run for it. Here, you can tweak the speed settings, which gives you a chance to understand everything unfolding before you crank things up full blast. There's also a cooperative mode (online or offline) if you crave help from a more adept player or want to take a novice under your wing. Finally, you can tweak the difficulty, even in Story mode, so beginners have a chance to succeed. Turning things down to easy lowers the hit points of your enemies, so you can spend less time focusing on leveling up and more time having fun.

Radiant Silvergun has stood the test of time. The core mechanics are so well implemented that you can never blame the game for your mistakes, which goes a long way toward lessening the frustration. But it's impossible to completely eliminate the feeling of helplessness in a game this difficult. You will need to sink in many hours before you're strong enough to expertly gun down enemies, and it's hard to deny the tedium of repeatedly playing the first levels until things finally click. Those easily intimidated need not apply, but anyone craving a serious challenge should look no further, and the novel persistent upgrade system offers a healthy change from other shoot-'em-ups. When you throw in modern amenities, such as leaderboards and downloadable replays, this turns into an addictive challenge for anyone who loves chasing high scores. Radiant Silvergun is unkind to beginners but offers a satisfying experience to those who are willing to invest themselves in it.

Leedmees

Besides the obvious "your body is the controller" twist, Leedmees throws in a number of other challenges that make this more than just another Lemmings-style puzzle game. Every level has a time limit, usually no more than a couple of minutes, so the pace is much faster than what the methodical march of the Leedmees implies. Each level is sprinkled with bonus stars that you can have the Leedmees collect to earn you a higher performance ranking. There are environmental dangers too, like spikes, ghosts, button-activated platforms, and more. New challenges and gameplay twists are introduced every couple of levels; a late-game twist that switches your gestures to mirrored movement is especially devilish. After 40 or more levels with regular movement, something as simple as a mirrored switch can completely melt your mind.

The time limit, plus the never-ending march of the Leedmees, adds a sense of urgency to each level that works both for and against the game. On the plus side, you blow through levels quickly, and you're constantly scooping, hopping, and leaning to transport Leedmees--you rarely hold a pose longer than a few seconds. Because challenges come at you fast and frequently, you don't get the "this is starting to get old" feeling that you get with many motion-based games. On the downside, some levels have you moving too fast, and the Leedmees are exceptionally fragile. A quick arm swing can send them flying to their deaths, and a misplaced foot could result in LeedMee homicide. The threshold for level completion is generous--you need to save only half of the Leedmees to pass--but hitting that threshold on some of the later levels can be a pain, literally.

The relentless pace is fun for a while, but things start to break down when you need to make precise moves. Broad gestures, like spreading your arms to make a lazy bridge, or holding your hands up to create an impromptu transport cage, work great. But some challenges, particularly the levels that require you to hold down buttons, create more frustration than fun. Watching your Leedmees march to their deaths because the game failed to pick up your subtle movement can be infuriating, especially when your muscles are attempting to revolt against the unnatural contortion you're forcing them into. The further you get, the more you feel like you and the game are just barely keeping up with each other. The sense of accomplishment you feel when beating the early levels is replaced with a feeling of relief by the end.


In this level you need to press accordion buttons, wave away ghosts, and transport Leedmees. The real challenge is to do all that without falling or cursing.
Getting past the completion threshold for the 50 single-player levels can be done in two or three hours. The extremely flexible and overly patient can stretch this out longer, since most of the achievements are locked behind "S" Rank requirements. The co-op multiplayer is fun for a few levels but is ultimately too sloppy to play for long. You're often forced to stand very close to, or touch, your co-op partner. The Kinect isn't so hot at determining whose limb is whose when all it can see is one amorphous blob. The dreamy art style and generic music are bland, but at least the characters, obstacles, and enemies are all easily identifiable, which is helpful later in the game when you're keeping mental tabs on way too many things at once.

Leedmees is a game that's good for casual play; attempting 100 percent completion in this game is a great way to make you hate it. Using your body to solve puzzles can be fun, but pulling a muscle because you're trying to get that last impossible star is not. Leedmees sports the same $10 price tag as other Kinect games available on Xbox Live, while offering a decent amount of content and replay value. It's worth a look if you want unique Kinect content that doesn't involve minigames.

Fable III DLC Quest

Not long after the game itself made the transition to the PC, Fable III’s DLC Quest Packs were released. The full game is not the strongest in the series, but it’s biggest flaw is the glaring lack of quests. Will these Quest Packs give the game some much needed extra life, or are they a waste of money?
Understone Quest Pack (400MSP)
The first and cheapest pack is also, not surprisingly, the shortest. The premise is simple: a factory owner in Bowerstone Industrial is hearing voices in his factory, and he enlists you, the King (or Queen), to investigate. The search immediately leads underground to a hidden city called Understone.
Understone is governed by one very paranoid man, however, so getting in will be tough. Gaining entrance is more tedious than challenging. Endless groups of Hobbes attack, providing lengthy and repetitive combat scenarios. You’ll be funneled through various small arenas, forced to defeat all the Hobbes to progress.

For a game with an incredibly limited combat system, this is probably the worst approach to quests there is. While it’s good to have more quests to undertake as ruler of Albion, this particular questline has virtually no redeeming qualities beyond the usual Fable polish and humor.
The quest will take little more than half an hour to complete, though it has a few extras. The Wheel of Misfortune in Reaver’s Mansion makes a return but is as boring as it was before. Plus, the Mercenary Camp now has a shooting gallery, which also offers little in the way of excitement.
Traitor’s Keep Quest Pack (560MSP)
This second Quest Pack is significantly longer than the first but is just as dull. It begins with an assassination on your life, which leads you to Ravenscar, a Prison Island where Logan banished his most threatening political adversaries. There’s been a major escape, and rumors tell of a revolutionary inmate who will stop at nothing to overthrow the crown. This questline teams you up with Commander Milton and sends you on a journey to several exciting new areas to hunt down the threat to your domain.
In terms of scope, Traitor’s Keep is much more impressive. One new area in particular, Clockwork Island, has some nice visuals. Unfortunately, the gameplay here is identical to the previous quest pack: frequent, repetitive encounters with various creatures. Commander Milton opines at one point, “I’m not sure how many more of these encounters I can take.” After a couple, I agreed with him. Too bad there are dozens here.

The quest has a neat story and a good twist. The effectiveness of your revolution is put into question—interesting, but there’s little depth to it. Ultimately, anything good here is suffocated by the overwhelming inanity of it all. The level design demonstrates virtually no creativity: as Milton himself puts it, “I’m noticing a pattern: we walk in, and things try to kill us.”
Despite one of the criticisms of Fable III (the rinse-and-repeat bosses), the bosses here are again identikit fights. The designs are good, particularly for the boss who distinctly resembles Iron Man, but there’s no gameplay innovation or creativity at all. A few side quests have been added, but these are little more than fetch or seek-and-destroy quests to use up a little more time.
The two questlines both show promise, but neither maximizes on its potential. Fable III wasn’t great, but it deserves far better than this. Unless you think you’ll enjoy several hours of extremely repetitive combat, these are two DLCs to avoid.

Duke Nukem Forever

The saying goes, “Better late than never.” I wish this was the case for Duke Nukem Forever. Unfortunately, stale gameplay and clumsy mechanics make me wish Forever was left as an idea, rather than made into an actual game. I wanted to like it. I really did. I tried to overlook its shortcomings and enjoy a story and character that brought me back to my childhood.
As far as character is concerned, nothing has changed. Duke is still the same testosterone-raging, foul-mouthed booby-slapper that he was in the 90s. He is a gun-toting badass who treats women as objects, mocks our society, and gets off on squashing aliens. The humor in the game is great. It brought me back to my adolescent days, when I got a rush out of doing things in the game that I wasn’t supposed to do in real life—-like looking at dirty magazines. Boy, did pixelated women ever look so good.

You’d think that after 12 years in the making, the women would look a little better. OK, so the game may have been an idea for 10 of those years, and the other two were development, but the point is that a game for consoles like Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 should look somewhat better than Duke Nukem Forever does. I thought blocky graphics and choppy movements were gone with the original Xbox. I would think the “King” would get the pleasure of a graphical overhaul, but maybe they purposely left us with these graphics for a nostalgia’s sake.
I wouldn’t be so hard on the graphics if the gameplay made up for it. The simple fact is that the gameplay is stale. There is nothing quite as adrenaline-pumping as running into a room full of aliens, guns blazing, and blasting the hell out of anything in sight. It was fun in the first Duke Nukem. It was fun for the first couple of levels in Duke Nukem Forever. Then it got repetitive. I can only get so much enjoyment out of shotgunning an alien and giving it the finger afterwards. Maybe today’s shooters have spoiled me into wanting more out of a game, and maybe the hype of Duke Nukem Forever made me expect more out of the game’s action. But there wasn’t more. All you do is run in and shoot up the place, often dying in the process because of “cheap” deaths. When I say “cheap” deaths, I don’t mean any time I die I’m labeling it as cheap. I admit, some of the deaths were results of careless play on my behalf, but when I am shrunken and nowhere near an enemy yet still die when he stomps his foot on the ground, I consider that a “cheap,” poorly programmed death.

Normally, I don’t complain about dying in a video game. I enjoy the challenge. However, when it takes five minutes to reload the level, it gets a little frustrating. No, I am not exaggerating. Each load screen takes about four to five minutes, and it happens quite frequently.
Duke Nukem takes gameplay elements from the very FPS games that it mocks. It has a regenerative health bar, called ego, and the constraint of only holding 2 weapons at once. Honestly, who can only carry two weapons these days? Especially when the hero is someone as badass as Duke. Duke’s levels are fairly straightforward—-linear maps filled with charging humanoid pigs and jetpack-wearing aliens. Some of the weapons are fun, as you can find shrink rays and freeze guns or use your blunt fists to pulverize enemies. After blasting your way around a level, you occasionally encounter some small puzzles. Although small and simplistic in nature, some of them can be quite difficult to figure out and can lead to frustration. The majority of them involve finding which crate to jump on next. Once you complete the acts in each chapter, you come face-to-face with a boss of some sort. These boss fights usually require patience, as you are forced to repetitively fire rockets at it until its health depletes.

The ideas behind some of Duke’s elements are there. It could’ve been fun shrinking into miniature size and driving miniature trucks around a room. However, its clumsy handling leaves you wanting more. “Jump on this crate and climb this ladder ... Jump on the hamburger buns to avoid being burned.” The puzzles are so dull that they are annoying. What should have been considered fun breaks in action sequences seem more like hindrances that only piss you off when you die because you can’t make the jump required to reach the next platform. Have fun waiting another five minutes to reload the level.  But hey, what is five minutes of waiting when we’ve waited 12 years for this game?
I enjoy the Duke character. I love flicking off aliens and cursing them out as I blow their heads off. I love chugging beer and cracking skulls with my fists. I love getting virtual lap dances in strip clubs and admiring myself in the mirror. The story, as hokey as it is, is still entertaining and filled with crude humor. I just don’t love anything else about the game. The graphics are dated, and the gameplay is pedestrian at best. I found myself begging for the game to end, playing it only for the sake of beating it rather than enjoying it. It seemed like a chore instead of a game. If you enjoy repetitive levels and corny one-liners, then you will find enjoyment in this game. The game will definitely bring you back to the 90s, but I wish it would have left 90s gameplay and graphics.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Deus Ex: Human Revolution is finally upon us. If you’re a purist who will be looking at Deus Ex with a very skeptical eye, you’ll find that the game has definitely lived up to its incredible amount of hype.
In a quite dystopian future, a Globodyne-like company named Serif Industries is hard at work trying to unlock the full human potential. It’s this society, people replace their existing limbs or organs with enhanced robotic ones called augmentations. However, not everyone sees these “upgrades” in the same light as Serif does, and they stand firm by acting against the human evolution. You step into the role of Adam Jensen, head of security for Serif Industries that mildly looks like Neo from the Matrix—he even has the same manner of speech. On top of it all, Jensen’s love interest, Megan Reed, was in the process of making a huge scientific breakthrough when the “purists” made an attack on the building, taking out your beloved and nearly killing you in the process. Jensen wakes up six months later to find himself armed with Augmented body parts that make him a force to be reckoned with, as he tries to figure out the real motives behind these attacks.



The big deal about Human Revolution is the fact that it touts itself to let you play how you want. Do you want to go the Metal Gear Solid route and sneak your way into facilities without alerting the guards, or go Call of Duty and unleash a hail of bullets? Unfortunately for fans of the latter, the game lends itself to be played using stealth, and the biggest reason is the AI. It seems to react (or not react if you don’t get caught) more naturally to you when you try sneaking in, rather than when you’re running and gunning your way in. Even something as trivial as a door will confuse them and will leave them just aiming at it, rather than opening it and trying to take you out. On the flipside, the stealth gameplay feels so fleshed out, that I don’t understand why the game doesn’t opt to use it when fighting bosses. Even MGS let you use a tranquilizer gun to deal with bosses, but here you’re forced to rely on pure gunpower.
A cover system which is usually not prevalent in First Person Shooters is not only available in DX:HR, it’s almost a requirement. A quick hold of the Left Trigger will make Jensen hug a near object or wall that you can move along. It’s a necessary tool both in stealth and gunplay. When sneaking, it allows you to move unseen and generally as long as you have the trigger held down, you can rest assured enemies won’t detect you. In gunplay it’s an effective way to ensure Jensen’s survival from a hail of bullets, but it also enables you to move from cover to cover quickly to get better vantage points.
Making choices on how to tackle your enemies isn’t the only thing Deus Ex presents players with. Facilities usually have multiple ways of getting in, whether it’s from a roof ventilation shaft or a side door. Locked rooms can either be hacked into or codes can be found to gain access without the alerting suspicion. Even side-quests can be tackled in various ways. Do you try to win back the favor of an old friend who holds you in disdain to gain access to the police station, or do you say f*ck it and climb your way in through the sewers enter through the police station’s underground prison. It’s these underlying choices that make Human Revolution a joy to play through, not only the first time, but again, if only to figure out yet another way you can accomplish the same goal.

Breath of Death VII: The Beginning

It’s very refreshing to come across an RPG that’s both self-aware and joyously humorous. Comedy RPGs are a real rarity, so whenever one comes along, it usually provides something different from what most other entries in the genre have to offer. Sure, the underlying plot may deal with destruction and evil creatures, but the dialogue and writing are different from most RPGs and warrant a play-through by gamers. This is especially true for those who want to take a break from the typical turn-based title. Breath of Death VII: The Beginning does just that—it offers a unique RPG experience that’s fun, retro, and totally hilarious, even if it is a bit short.
Don’t let its name fool you. Breath of Death VII is actually the first (and currently only) game in the series. The game starts out with a nice, old-school cutscene that depicts a brutal war. After a massive weapon destroys the entire planet, a civilization of undead creatures rises and rules peacefully over the land. These friendly monsters create an ideal world and live happily within it—until an evil entity makes its presence felt across the land. That’s when Dem, the skeleton knight, rises to the occasion and goes on a quest to save the world from destruction.

If this all sounds a little quirky to you, that’s because it is, and the characters are just as strange as the tale itself. For starters, Dem doesn’t talk because he believes that a true hero should never speak. How do I know this? Because the narrator immediately turns on the Thoughts-Subtitle-O-Matic, which allows players to read what Dem is thinking. The rest of the cast is just as colorful, and the many characters you meet along the way often have hilarious things to say. The humor in Breath of Death isn’t so much about jokes or delivery. Instead, characters make references to other titles like Resident Evil, Castlevania, Pokemon, Earthbound, and Zelda. If you’ve played a lot of different franchises, you’ll instantly get plenty of the references, and they’re sure to bring a cheesy grin to your face.
Though Breath of Death VII emulates classic RPGs in terms of its graphics and menu design, the gameplay is actually a lot more forgiving than the punishing titles of old. You must travel to various towns in order to receive your next objective.  While in towns, you can purchase upgraded weapons and armor. Along the way, you traverse an overworld map full of random encounters. In between the towns and overworld, you must clear dungeons and increase your party until you have four total members—each bearing his or her own special abilities, strengths, and weaknesses.
Dungeons are completely maze-like and require plenty of exploration and backtracking. As you explore caves, cities, and sewers, you engage in battles with enemies and collect upgrades and gold. If you want to find everything in the game, you’re definitely going to have to do some backtracking. This can be a bit of a hassle, especially in the bigger stages later on, because exploring the large mazes isn’t always enjoyable. Now, normally it would be a total pain having to deal with random encounters, because many of the dungeons’ paths lead to dead ends, while others lead to weapons and treasure. Thankfully, the random encounters within dungeons are limited. So once you’ve beaten all of the foes in a dungeon, you don’t need to worry about any unwanted surprises, and you can explore the mazes at your own pace.

Battles are also a lot simpler than most retro RPGs. Though the basic turn-based setup remains intact, you have several different attack options at your disposal and a combo system that allows you to perform strong finishing attacks. Tallying up your combo with constant offense allows you to set up a devastating attack that’s increasingly powerful based on your combo count. These moves can be used to finish off stronger enemies rather quickly, and they definitely come in useful in boss fights. Breath of Death VII puts a lot of emphasis on quick battles. You won’t spend several minutes on these encounters, and don’t be surprised if certain sequences take you mere seconds. This will either be welcome by RPG fans or it will be slightly disliked. Personally, I prefer longer, more complicated battles. That said, there’s no denying the fun factor in taking out baddies with a couple of high impact moves.
Upon clearing battles, you are rewarded with experience points. Once you level up, you can choose from two different upgrades at a time. Sometimes the game asks you to upgrade either your characters’ stats or add a new move to your arsenal. Other times you can choose between upping your defense or adding HP to your party. Depending on how you like playing, and whether you prefer magic or physical offense and defense, the game lets you decide what type of characters you want in your party, which is pretty cool.

One element that Breath of Death VII decided to keep completely old-school was its presentation. The game looks and sounds like a retro RPG through and through. This isn’t a bad thing, though, and the game’s presentation shines through as remarkably stylistic. That said, the plain black backgrounds during battle sequences are really drab and offer nothing in the way of graphical eye candy. The music, though largely enjoyable, is definitely not as pleasant as that of Cthulhu Saves the World, developer Zeboyd’s other comedy RPG.
Breath of Death VII is a fairly short game, especially for an RPG. The main adventure should take you about five hours, which isn’t too bad, as the game tends to drag a bit toward the end. There are three difficulty settings, and beating the game gives you access to Score Attack mode, which is a fun addition. Overall, the value is really good, because for just $3 you get Breath of Death VII and Cthulhu Saves the World, which is lengthier and better overall. If you’re a fan of old-school RPGs or crazy games with a good sense of humor, you simply can’t go wrong with Breath of Death VII: The Beginning. Even with its few flaws, it’s still a highly enjoyable parody adventure worth plaything through.

The Baconing

Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing.  It’s one thing to release a game and then space out its sequels every two years or so, but it’s another to release a game, then follow it up every few months with a new adventure, to the point that we never really got to enjoy the previous one as we’re curious about venturing into new territory.  That’s the case with The Baconing, the third adventure to feature DeathSpank, the peculiarly named hero who last fought on Xbox Live Arcade and PlayStation Network in Thongs of Virtue a few months back.
It’s business as usual for DeathSpank.  He’s enjoying the thrill of justice, but is busy seeking out a new adversary after finally snagging the Thongs of Virtue.  Bored, he decides to put on all the thongs at once and throws the world into chaos, creating a new enemy – a robotic version of himself that’s known as the Antispank.  Before you know it, he’s off creating all kinds of terror, and DeathSpank finds himself having to burn the Thongs of Virtue in bacon fires in order to save it and stop the evil menace.  But nothing comes that easy – not for DeathSpank.
If you’re a fan of the first two games, you’ll feel right at home here.  Hothead Games continues to load up its franchise with all sorts of weirdness, whether you’re seeking justice for a mooing cow (because, hey, cows deserve great justice!) or dealing with the likes of such characters as Tankko and Bob From Marketing.  Hothead knows how to write a swell, Monty Python-esque tale, and the third time around, there are a few laughs digging through here.

So then, why the less than favorable score?  Because it’s mostly the same stuff that we’ve dealt with in the last two games.  While there are some interesting power-ups that tend to change the shift in battle every once in a while, most of The Baconing is spent beating up guys.  And beating up more guys.  Though you have a number of battle techniques and weapons that prove useful, results are about the same – you kill until you die, and then you’re brought back in an outhouse (of all places) to do it all over again.  Worse yet, Baconing seems a little more linear, as you’re following a guided path throughout most of the game.  As a result, exploration is cut even shorter here than it was in Thongs of Virtue.
The visuals are nothing spectacular for Baconing though they work for the most part, with plenty of cartoon-style animations and interesting locales, such as a retirement home for worn-out Gods.  However, there are times they can be a little fuzzy, due to a lack of polish that was apparent in the first two DeathSpank games.  It’s not a horrible game when it comes to appearance, but you can see marks of where Hothead was growing a little weary.  The dialogue is still humorous, with DeathSpank sounding like some kind of spin-off of The Tick.  We almost expect him to yell “SPOON!” at any given second.
As for extras, there aren’t much.  The game will take a few hours to get through, provided you can put up with the monotonous gameplay.  There is some co-op available, with you and a friend sharing a life bar as you take on enemies, but it can be mildly frustrating.  What’s more, you can’t play others online through Xbox Live or PlayStation Network.  What a bummer.
The Baconing is proof positive that if you push a franchise too soon and too fast, signs of wear begin to set in.  There are still moments of fun scattered in the game, but they’re hidden beneath slightly worn out gameplay and limited options.  Maybe Hothead ought to take some time off and wait a couple of years for the next DeathSpank game to make the rounds.  Otherwise, he and his Thongs of Virtue will wear out their welcome.

Rock of Ages Review

When you mention Atlus, you usually think of some quirky role-playing game or some project that reeks of “off the beaten path” quality, like Catherine.  You wouldn’t really think of a Marble Madness-esque strategy game that dabbles in mythology.  But that’s exactly what you get with Rock of Ages, a game that blissfully combines the elements of rolling destruction with strategic planning.  It combines just the right balance of both to be something quite worthwhile – though its repetition won’t be for everyone.
Over the single player campaign, you’ll run across 23 stages, where you’re pitted against some characters from old-school mythology.  You don’t taking them on in plain combat.  Instead, you’re given control of a rolling boulder with a fancy design, whether it’s a smiling face imprinted onto a piece of rock or something fancier (like a mammoth ball – yep, a ball imprinted with mammoth designs).  Your job is to outscore your opponent by causing as much destruction on the path as possible, while completing it in the fastest time.  This means running through towers, jumping over gaps, dodging catapults, and avoiding large animals that can knock you off course.
The strategic element enters play when you’re asked to place objects in an opponent’s way during their turn.  This can include placing catapults in the right position to fire, or preparing walls of towers to stand in their way.  As the opponent rolls in real time, you prep for your turn.  It’s a back and forth thing, a neat way of competing with others while using your brain to see what works best.  You’re only given a certain amount of points for obstacles, so choose them wisely.

Though the gameplay doesn’t change over time, it is a refreshing, innovative style.  It’s part destruction, part construction, and all fun.
If playing against the computer isn’t your speed, Rock of Ages also offers engaging multiplayer options where you can compete against a friend via online or split-screen.  Playing against a friend usually works better, as no one has an advantage and you can see how each of your traps play out against one another.  There’s also a cool SkeeBoulder mode, where you try to score points on a huge skeeball board made out of granite.  It’s easy to master, though, so you’ll probably spend more time on the main game instead.
Rock of Ages’ visual style is quite effective, with great 3-D graphics throughout each of the world locales you’re rolling through. There are also plenty of neat little touches like rampaging animals and townsfolk who squeal after you run over them.  Sometimes slowdown enters the picture, but not often enough to make you, ahem, slow your roll.  The sequences between races are equally inspired, taking a cue from the old Terry Gilliam-produced Monty Python shorts.


As for the music, it’s not bad.  While we would’ve preferred a more epic soundtrack, it isn’t bad.  The sound effects are pretty good too, especially the screaming of peasants and the sound your ball makes when you go rolling over the side.  AHHHHHHH!
Though Rock of Ages isn’t quite strong enough to be up there with some of Atlus’ best (namely Catherine), it is a quirky little downloadable game that’s worth your time, especially if you’re in the mood for a 3D Marble Madness clone with some thought processing thrown in for good measure.  If you’re looking for something a little different, Rock on.

Magic: The Gathering Duels of the Planeswalkers

f you’ve read my review of Duels of the Planeswalkers 2012, you’ll know I’m more or less pleased with its slick digital take on my favorite card game. DOTP 2012 does an excellent job of both teaching new and intermediate players the finer points of Magic the Gathering, while also acting as a fine time-waster for ‘pros’ like myself. That being said, though the core game did its job quite well, this minor expansion is really only worth picking up if you’re one of the few people who hasn’t moved onto playing the actual card game yet.

The real disappointment is that the expansion focuses almost entirely on the Archenemy format, which unfortunately does not lend itself well to this game’s lacking A.I. and underpowered deck options. In Archenemy, three players work to take out the titular archenemy, a player commanding a doubled life total and a deck of extremely powerful scheme cards. At the beginning of the archenemy’s turn the top card of the scheme deck is “put into motion,” causing untold devastation to the three allied players. Though Archenemy battles were available in the original game, players now get to play the part of the final boss, and its honestly pretty fun the first time you decimate your three opponents. But once you realize how hard it is to actually lose a game, the excitement quickly fades.
The probem is that DOTP 2012 does not offer specific decks tuned for playing Archenemy, forcing you to use the exact same decks as in the one vs. one campaign. This means that the archenemy seems to have an almost overbearing advantage, facing off against three decks meant for single-player games, all while gleefully ripping ridiculously powerful effects from the top of the scheme deck. The scheme cards were designed to be so powerful to give the archenemy a chance against three overpowered opponents. Using these game-breaking effects in order to blast such ridiculously terrible cards as Suntail Hawk is really just a downright bore.

Another major concern is that this expansion does nothing to tune up the enemy A.I., which continues to make some rather routine mistakes. I watched one computer opponent suicide rush his bears towards my much larger creatures for no reason other than to watch them die, while another opponent wasted a card to return a skeleton from their graveyard to hand, ignoring the fact that the skeleton could’ve simply reanimated itself.
Perhaps the most notable error came during one game, where I found myself in control of a gigantic elf army and moved to put their commander onto the battlefield, a creature who would turn my entire lot of forest-dwelling pretty boys into a swift-footed clan of unstoppable forest-walking death. Luckily my opponent, the dreaded vampire lord Sorin Markov, cast his Disfigure spell… killing one of my little pieces of elf cannon-fodder, for some reason ignoring the commander entirely. I slammed in with my long-eared brothers and won that game quite handily, wondering what line of code told this feared vampire to kill my most irrelevant creature and ignore the elf lord of impending doom.

Anyhow, though I see this expansion as a bit of a design mistake, I’m sure there are those for whom the few new multiplayer extras are enough of a selling point. Three new decks are available for play,  and there’s even new cards to be unlocked for the original decks. It’s also a fun sneak peek at some upcoming cards and new planeswalkers. Basically, the new single player campaign is useless, but if you’ve been having a blast playing online then sure, pick this one up. Though I still think you’d be more satisfied heading down to your local game store and enjoying the game the way it was meant to be played.

The First 60 Minutes of RAGE Made Me Want More - PC

I had the privilege to have a full hour with Id’s RAGE at PAX Prime 2011. I was able to start from the very beginning and try out a handful of the initial missions. The brief glimpse of the intro sequence taught me that I was an ARK survivor who is meant to restore civilization along with his other fellow survivors. You quickly learn that all of them are dead except for you, and that is when you get thrust into the open world and experience its savage nature.
I was immediately attacked by a bunch of bandits which would have easily disposed of me, but I was saved at the last second by one of the occupants from a nearby settlement. This prompted the start of my initial questlines. Immediately thoughts of a few different games to mind. The post-apocalyptic setting that puts you in a role of a survivor gives the game that sense of Fallout, though the gunplay and RAGE’s crazy cast of enemies leans more towards the styles of Borderlands. I was immediately introduced to one of the game’s first vehicles, the ATV, which is just one way of getting around the vast wasteland, along with the buggy that we’ve all seen in many of the game’s early trailers. The ATV is super quick and extremely responsive and makes getting from point A to point B a breeze. Add in a high powered boost and you got an extremely fun, and quick way of exploring the vastness of the wasteland.

The early quests that I was able to play through were mostly fetch quests, though they were definitely the most action packed fetch quests I’ve ever played. You’re sent to a remote location, which is usually an instance of sorts, that you must make your way through, surviving a constant onslaught of enemies. Speaking of the enemies, they surprised me how quick and agile they were. No longer are they either running towards you, or simply hiding behind a piece of cover, these enemies are smart and acrobatic. They’ll leap and jump through corridors which not only keeps you on your toes, but makes it challenging to actually hit them. This is yet another aspect of RAGE, ammo conservation. Ammo is scarce, so making your shots count is key. Aimlessly firing off at bandits and mutants will leave you defenseless.
It’s a good thing then that the gunplay is so fast and fluid. If you’ve played other shooters, you’ll find yourself quite comfortable with the controls. Switching out weapons and ammo types can be done on the fly and quickly let you get the upper hand on the situation. I was told that a big component of the game was crafting, and though I didn’t get to see it extensively, I was able to craft a few things, namely a lock grinder which opened some previously locked doors for me.

Delivery Truck Simulator (PC) - PC

Growing up I was never one of those kids who was into toy cars. I did have a few matchbox vehicles, and though me and the neighborhood kids had fun watching them loop the loop, we eventually discovered it was way more fun to beat each other into submission with the lengths of flexible orange track. Eventually our parents got tired of us whacking the crap out of each other and tried to placate our violent tendencies with video games, which I’m sure helped turn us into the stable well-balanced sociopaths we are today.
The point is that while most of my American classmates were properly weaned on video games, there was always that weird kid who only wanted to play with his Tonka trucks. The kind of kid who eagerly tore ass down the stairs so he could watch the garbage truck rolling past, popping a boner for those poorly-produced VHS tapes meant for kids with vehicle fetishes, with titles like “Big Rigs Gone Wild.” I can only imagine that these undeveloped morons eventually grew into drooling man-children, the kind of strange and terrifying consumers eagerly awaiting the upcoming PC title “Delivery Truck Simulator.”

I literally cannot watch this trailer without cracking up. The key source of hilarity is the crappy generic rock song that plays beneath the simulated engine noises, ramping up a thrilling crescendo as we see the incredible delivery-bay unloading sequence, guitars rocking hard as we see the explosively realistic brake-light effects and HD-audio backup noises. Not to mention that the entire trailer showcases the “unmarked white van” portion of the game, and from what I know of creepy white vans I can only assume that little delivery driver is dropping off hooker skeletons or something of that nature.
I don’t know about you, but I play video games as a way to escape from the crushing pointlessness of my actual life. It’s a sort of fantasy escapism that lets me free the adorable anime sorceress surely trapped inside my hideous body (Atlus sent me Atelier Totori to play… leave me alone). The thought that there are people out there dying to live the fantasy life of a truck driver, fills me with an unfathomable terror. My first thought is of some crazy backwoods hillbilly with a barely functioning copy of Windows 95, sitting down to haul some virtual cargo while admiring the human skulls adorning his walls. Though now I wonder if somewhere out there, there’s some the middle-aged boardroom executive driving his slick Mercedes down the interstate. Gazing fondly at the big rigs and sadly wondering what life on the open road would’ve been like. The thrill of greasy truck-stop food, the excitement of kidnapping and enslaving teenage runaways…

Angry Birds

Destructive physics help make this a very charming puzzle game, and the great level variety seals the deal.

The Good

• Extremely fun physics   
• Easy to pick up and play   
• 200-plus levels.

The Bad

• Limited strategy   
• Winning often requires luck.

Most casual news watchers are familiar with explosives that have names like "bunker busters" and "daisy cutters." However, in Rovio Mobile's popular game, Angry Birds, multicolored chickens can take on the properties of these same bombs when pushed to the limits by egg-stealing green pigs.

In Angry Birds, you have to use birds as missiles.

Explosive chickens, adorable as they are, would be pointless without big buildings to topple, and Angry Birds provides more than 200 of them, with more added all the time. You can thoroughly demolish anything from stone castles to glass houses as you punish those evil, egg-stealing pigs.

To play, you simply load up a chicken in your slingshot, pull back while setting your angle, and let go to start the destruction. Angry Birds' gameplay is incredibly easy to understand, and the visual payoff for blowing stuff up is consistently impressive. Blue chickens split up in midair for a spread effect; heavy bomb chickens explode and send structures flying; and egg-laying hens let you deliver a yolky payload directly below.

You always receive the chickens in a particular order, which diminishes some of the strategy. Even though some chickens can be used to set up chain reactions, like using a burrowing hen to soften up a building's stone exterior and then following up with a ticking explosive chicken to blast out the walls--you don't get to do this if you don't get the chickens in this order.

Angry Birds has more than 200 levels, with more added all the time.

Although you might fling your chickens in the same spot each time, the game's sensitive physics system usually gives different results. It's generally impossible to re-create specific trajectories and reactions, so there's some luck involved where obtaining a high score (and a full three-star rating) is concerned. There aren't really any tangible benefits to completing every mission with a three-star score, besides boasting about your score on the online leaderboards, anyway. Angry Birds has some minor issues, but most of the time, you won't notice because you'll be too busy trying to squish pigs and make full use of your chicken arsenal. The game's weapons, physics, and varied levels are really quite excellent, and they make this military-farm-complex a whole lot of fun.

This review was provided by GameSpot mobile content partner SlideToPlay.com.

By Andrew Podolsky/SlideToPlay.com, GameSpot